Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
