I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize