Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
