I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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