If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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