SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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