Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
