even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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