so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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