when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
