someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
