Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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