Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize