Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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