Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
