May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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