I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
