I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
