Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize