just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This is the high leading the old right now
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
