Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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