Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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