she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize