It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
