Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
