somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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