Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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