We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
