worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Couch. On fire.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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