Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
