I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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