I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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