Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
