i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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