She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
