Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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