after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
