Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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