He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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