Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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