idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
