We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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