so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
