wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
