if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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