Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
