Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
