wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
