That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
