I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
