Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
