I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
