On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
