I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
