I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
