He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize