i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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