Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
