I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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