Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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