you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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