I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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