yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
