the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
