Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
