are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
