wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
