He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
