Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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