I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
