If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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