i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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